Communication: Listening is an art and it's an art to listen

The punishment in my house was not a belt or timeout. The punishment was a lecture. My father would corner me and my brother (we were always the ones getting in trouble) in the den and before beginning would take a deep breath.  We knew from that breath and from the stance that followed that we better settle in for a long talking-to. The lecture use to start with me and my brother trying to explain our side of the story, and my father would quickly silence us and tell us to listen. We would then still try to interrupt our dad (I mean we knew what was about to happen – an hour of talking about what we did wrong) and he would say, “Listen. You can’t listen if you are thinking about what you’re going to say next.” So with a covert eye roll I would clear my head and listen to the lecture spill from my dad’s mouth.

My dad had a point. In order to truly listen, you have to stop thinking. If you are thinking about what you want to say you are having a conversation with yourself instead of dedicating your concentration to the speaker. One morning on the way to work I heard on the radio one of the DJ’s sign-out, “Listening is an art and it’s an art to listen” which made me think about what my father said. It made me think about communication altogether. Communication is very important to me and I think that it is essential in having and maintaining a strong relationship whether it’s with a lover, family, friends or coworkers.

My recent realization came that morning in the car – communication is not only voicing your feelings, concerns, and opinions but also listening effectively. Listening will allow you to hear everything that is being said. It will go beyond the words and actually include body language and the tone of how the words are being said. I believe that if I start to listen effectively, I will be able to cut down on many misunderstandings. 

Next time I open my ears to listen, I will be doing it with my eyes and mind as well. I wonder what difference it will make in my communication with others?